Flights, transfers and tee times. The competition is the three Aroeira rounds, Fri to Sun. Pick your name to see just your own trip.
Out Wed 30 Sep, 07:15 · BA, Heathrow → Lisbon
Home Mon 5 Oct, 18:45 · BA, Lisbon → Heathrow
Golf 5 rounds, 3 of them in the competition
Out Wed 30 Sep, 07:15 · BA, Heathrow → Lisbon
Home Mon 5 Oct, 18:45 · BA, Lisbon → Heathrow
Golf 6 rounds, 3 of them in the competition
Out Wed 30 Sep, 07:15 · BA, Heathrow → Lisbon
Home Mon 5 Oct, 18:45 · BA, Lisbon → Heathrow
Golf 6 rounds, 3 of them in the competition
Out Wed 30 Sep, 06:00 · TAP, Heathrow → Lisbon
Home Mon 5 Oct, 18:45 · BA, Lisbon → Heathrow
Golf 6 rounds, 3 of them in the competition
Out Thu 1 Oct · Fly from Luton
Home Mon 5 Oct, 21:30 · easyJet, Lisbon → Luton
Golf 4 rounds, 3 of them in the competition
Out Thu 1 Oct · Fly from Luton
Home Mon 5 Oct, 21:30 · easyJet, Lisbon → Luton
Golf 4 rounds, 3 of them in the competition
Out Fri 2 Oct, 07:00 · easyJet, Luton → Lisbon
Home Mon 5 Oct, 21:30 · easyJet, Lisbon → Luton
Golf 4 rounds, 3 of them in the competition
Out Fri 2 Oct, 07:00 · easyJet, Luton → Lisbon
Home Mon 5 Oct, 21:30 · easyJet, Lisbon → Luton
Golf 4 rounds, 3 of them in the competition
Out Fri 2 Oct, 08:00 · TAP, Heathrow → Lisbon
Home Mon 5 Oct, 16:05 · TAP, Lisbon → Heathrow
Golf 3 rounds, 3 of them in the competition
Out Fri 2 Oct, 08:00 · TAP, Heathrow → Lisbon
Home Mon 5 Oct, 16:05 · TAP, Lisbon → Heathrow
Golf 3 rounds, 3 of them in the competition
Out Fri 2 Oct, 08:00 · TAP, Heathrow → Lisbon
Home Mon 5 Oct, 18:45 · BA, Lisbon → Heathrow
Golf 3 rounds, 3 of them in the competition
Out Fri 2 Oct, 07:00 · easyJet, Luton → Lisbon
Home Mon 5 Oct, 21:30 · easyJet, Lisbon → Luton
Golf 3 rounds, 3 of them in the competition
Lands 08:30. Make own way to the hotel.
Mark
Lands 10:05. Make own way to the hotel. First pint at Heathrow before 7am. Standard.
Neil, Paul, Chris Fleming
Not part of the competition, so every excuse is still available on Friday.
Neil, Paul, Chris Fleming, Mark
Flight times not on the sheet. Make own way to the hotel.
Steve Lewis, Chris Clarke
Not part of the competition, so every excuse is still available on Friday.
Neil, Paul, Chris Fleming, Mark
Lands 09:55.
Jon, Andy, Jack
Lands 10:50.
Steve Buckell, Martin, Lucas
Might need to go straight to the course, so pack your golf shoes where you can reach them, not under the duty-free. Airport meeting point: your driver will be waiting next to the Vodafone shop. It's found after going down the ramp in the arrivals hall, on the right-hand side, the same direction as the bus parking.
Jon, Andy, Jack, Steve Buckell, Martin, Lucas
Half of you have just landed. The Penha Longa four have had two nights' head start, and it shows.
Everyone
Competition round 1.
Everyone
Table for 12, booked by Chris Fleming. Restaurant-bar, Rua D. João V 158, Aroeira. Vegetarian mains for Jon: mushroom risotto and tofu à lagareiro.
Everyone
The morning after Cuíca. Whatever got said about the draw last night, it's still the draw. Sunglasses on.
Everyone
Competition round 2. The earliest tee of the weekend, the morning after the first proper night out. Good luck.
Everyone
Retasco Aroeira is the front-runner; it and the other ideas are below.
Everyone
The morning after Saturday night. Whatever got said at dinner, the only numbers that count today are on the card. Nobody talks until the 3rd.
Everyone
Competition round 3: the last one that counts, and your last chance to blame your handicap.
Everyone
Booked by Neil; time to be confirmed (it opens at 18:00). Asian and Mediterranean fusion with aged steaks, Rua de Pedro Costa 1258, Charneca de Caparica, 7 minutes by taxi. For Jon: every main on the menu has meat or fish in it, so ask for the pad thai or nasi goreng without, or make a meal of the vegetable tempura and the truffled mushrooms.
Everyone
The last night was last night. Count heads, check for black eyes, and nobody mention the bill.
Paul, Chris Fleming, Mark, Steve Lewis, Chris Clarke, Jon, Andy
Bonus round, not part of the competition, so everyone will play their best round of the week.
Paul, Chris Fleming, Mark, Steve Lewis, Chris Clarke, Jon, Andy
Steve Buckell, Martin
Bag drop for the 21:30 opens at 19:00. Some ideas below.
Steve Lewis, Chris Clarke, Jon, Andy, Jack
Neil, Paul, Chris Fleming, Mark, Steve Lewis, Chris Clarke, Jon, Andy, Lucas, Jack
Lands 18:50.
Steve Buckell, Martin
Lands 21:30, home in time to tell everyone it was a quiet one.
Neil, Paul, Chris Fleming, Mark, Lucas
Lands 00:05. Luton at midnight: the trip's real punishment.
Steve Lewis, Chris Clarke, Jon, Andy, Jack
Paul, Chris F, Neil and Mark got a two-day head start at Penha Longa. Here's what they did with it, straight off the VPAR scorecards, latest day first. Points over the two days: Paul 57, Chris Fleming 51, Neil 44, Mark 39.
| Player | VPAR hcp | Gross | Pts | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 🥇 | Paul | 8 | 91 | 26 |
| 🥈 | Chris Fleming | 13 | 102 | 20 |
| 🥉 | Neil | 16 | 108 | 18 |
| 🪦 | Mark | 27 | 125 | 16 |
Won by six with 26 points, which tells you about the other three. Five shots worse than Wednesday, no birdies, and an 8 on the 12th, a par 5 that's the second-easiest hole on the course. Blobbed the first and the last. Five pars in between kept him clear of the wreckage.
Ten shots worse than Wednesday. Eight points on the front nine, with three blobs in a row from the 6th to the 8th. Three pars all day, the last of them on the 18th, once it no longer mattered. Two days at Penha Longa, two defeats to Paul.
Wednesday's two pars turned out to be the high point: not one today. Ten shots worse, six blobs, and an 8 on the 4th, the 8th and the 11th. He booked this trip, and he did this to himself.
The good news: he opened with a 5, half of Wednesday's 10. The bad news: he saved the 10s for the par 5s, and took one on the 6th, the 12th and the 18th. Back nine of 67 for five points. Nine blobs, no pars. Seven shots worse than Wednesday, which nobody thought was possible.
The 12th: a par 5, stroke index 17. Paul 8, Chris F 8, Mark 10, and Neil won it with a 6. On Wednesday it was the 6th, stroke index 18, and today nobody parred that one either. Two days, two holes of the day, and both times it was one of the two easiest on the course.
| Hole | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | Tot |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Par | 4 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 5 | 3 | 5 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 5 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 5 | 72 |
| SI | 10 | 8 | 16 | 2 | 14 | 18 | 4 | 6 | 12 | 9 | 3 | 17 | 13 | 5 | 11 | 1 | 7 | 15 | |
| Paul | 6 | 4 | 4 | 6 | 3 | 6 | 4 | 5 | 5 | 5 | 5 | 8 | 5 | 6 | 4 | 5 | 3 | 7 | 91 |
| Chris Fleming | 5 | 6 | 6 | 6 | 4 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 8 | 4 | 5 | 5 | 7 | 5 | 5 | 102 |
| Neil | 7 | 5 | 6 | 8 | 5 | 7 | 5 | 8 | 5 | 5 | 8 | 6 | 6 | 7 | 4 | 5 | 5 | 6 | 108 |
| Mark | 5 | 6 | 5 | 8 | 6 | 10 | 5 | 7 | 6 | 6 | 8 | 10 | 7 | 8 | 4 | 8 | 6 | 10 | 125 |
Birdies in green, blobs in red. Stableford off each player's VPAR handicap on the day. Yellow tees, 6,041 yards, rated 69.8 / 125 by the Portuguese golf federation. Not part of the competition: this is the warm-up, and it shows.
| Player | VPAR hcp | Gross | Pts | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 🥇 | Paul | 8 | 86 | 31 |
| 🥈 | Chris Fleming | 13 | 92 | 31 |
| 🥉 | Neil | 16 | 98 | 26 |
| 🪦 | Mark | 27 | 118 | 23 |
Wins on countback, 16 points to 15 on the back nine. Birdied the 4th, the second-hardest hole on the course, then took an 8 on the 6th, the easiest. World class until it gets easy. He did it off 8 on VPAR, which makes the 31 better than it looks. Still buying.
Level on points and beaten on countback, which is losing to Paul on a technicality: the worst way to lose to Paul. Not a birdie all day. Also took an 8 on the 6th, then signed off with another 8 on the 18th. At least nobody nicked his watch.
Two pars. All day. Two. Blobbed the 11th, 15th and 17th, so the back nine ate him alive. Hasn't yet found a hole he couldn't make harder.
Opened with a 10. On a par 4. On the first hole. No pars, five blobs, +46 for the day. Best holes: three points on the 7th and the 16th, which we will hear about more than the rib. Back nine 56 after a front nine of 62, so technically he's in form. No buggy incidents reported. Yet.
The 6th: a par 5, stroke index 18, the easiest hole on the course. The two low handicappers took 8 each. Mark and Neil took 6 each. Read that again.
| Hole | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | Tot |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Par | 4 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 5 | 3 | 5 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 5 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 5 | 72 |
| SI | 10 | 8 | 16 | 2 | 14 | 18 | 4 | 6 | 12 | 9 | 3 | 17 | 13 | 5 | 11 | 1 | 7 | 15 | |
| Paul | 5 | 6 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 8 | 3 | 6 | 6 | 6 | 5 | 5 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 6 | 4 | 6 | 86 |
| Chris Fleming | 4 | 5 | 4 | 5 | 5 | 8 | 3 | 6 | 5 | 5 | 5 | 5 | 5 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 4 | 8 | 92 |
| Neil | 5 | 6 | 5 | 5 | 5 | 6 | 4 | 6 | 6 | 4 | 7 | 5 | 5 | 5 | 6 | 6 | 6 | 6 | 98 |
| Mark | 10 | 6 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 6 | 4 | 7 | 7 | 6 | 7 | 7 | 5 | 7 | 6 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 118 |
Birdies in green, blobs in red. Stableford off each player's VPAR handicap on the day. Yellow tees, 6,041 yards, rated 69.8 / 125 by the Portuguese golf federation. Not part of the competition: this is the warm-up, and it shows.
Friday is Cuíca and Sunday is Coco Garden, so it's only Saturday night that needs a table. These are all under 10 minutes by taxi from where we're staying, and most of them do steak and red wine, which for most of us is two of the five a day. Jon is vegetarian: Retasco has a proper vegetarian main, and Irmão (under Bars) does pizza, vegetarian dishes and a steak, on the beach. For anywhere else, ring ahead and ask for one. A word on Splitwise: split evenly, and Jon pays a twelfth of eleven steaks and every bottle of red that went with them, for a plate of mushrooms. Itemise Jon's, or at least buy the man a drink. Hours were checked on Google Maps on 30 September (Retasco on 1 October); ring to check and to book a table for 12.
Aged steaks off the charcoal and modern Portuguese cooking: T-bone, a mixed-meat platter, tiger-prawn risotto, razor-clam rice. A smart room with a garden, and close enough to walk home from. The dearest of these: Google puts it at €50+ a head. 4.6 from 257 Google reviews. Booking is all but essential.
Vegetarian: A proper main for Jon, and one of the house specialities: asparagus and wild mushroom brás with black truffle.
Sat 12:30–00:00 · Sun 12:30–23:00 · shut Monday · Av. do Mar 145, Aroeira
1.2 km from where we're staying: about 2 min by car, or a 15-minute walk
Brazilian steakhouse: picanha and Black Angus, with hand-cut chips and feijoada on the side. 4.7 from 879 Google reviews, €25–30 a head.
Vegetarian: No vegetarian main on the listing, just sides (rice, chips, farofa); feijoada is normally made with pork. Ring ahead and ask them to do one.
Fri–Mon 19:30–22:30 · Rua Pedro Costa 1237, Charneca da Caparica
6.0 km from where we're staying: about 7 min by car
Aged steak over a wood fire, picanha and entrecôte, and a good red list. 4.6 from 906 Google reviews, €25–50 a head. Small room, so book. Sunday is lunch only.
Vegetarian: Sides only on the menu: mushrooms sautéed with basil, salad, broad-bean rice, chips. Ring ahead.
Fri & Sat 19:30–22:30 · Sunday lunch only · Av. Sacadura Cabral 63, Aroeira
1.4 km from where we're staying: about 3 min by car, or a 20-minute walk
The clubhouse menu has Portuguese beef and an Argentine ribeye. It shuts at 18:00 (19:00 on Sunday), but does dinners for groups on request, so ask at the desk on Friday.
Vegetarian: Not on the web page; ask for a proper vegetarian main when arranging the dinner.
Group dinners by arrangement · PGA Aroeira, Charneca da Caparica
0.6 km from where we're staying: about 2 min by car, or a 10-minute walk
Busy, well-loved seafood and charcoal-grilled fish place on the same street as Ponto da Picanha, €20–35 a head, 4.1 from 1,319 Google reviews. Usually full, so book. Sunday is lunch only.
Vegetarian: Seafood place; nothing vegetarian found on the listings. Ring ahead.
Fri & Sat 19:00–22:30 · Sunday lunch only · Rua Pedro Costa 1276, Charneca da Caparica
5.9 km from where we're staying: about 7 min by car
Aroeira itself is quiet at night: Golf d'Água, next door, is the local option. For more life, the beach bars at Fonte da Telha and Costa da Caparica are 5–20 minutes by taxi from where we're staying. Early October is the tail end of the beach season, so a beach bar can shut early on a quiet night: check before you set off. And pace yourselves: R2 tees off at 10:08 on Saturday, and nobody's handicap has an allowance for a hangover.
Bar and restaurant right by where we're staying: full bar, TV, terrace, and sushi reviewers rave about. Open until midnight, so it's the easy last stop after Friday's dinner, and the walk home is short. 4.2 from 1,882 Google reviews.
Every day 08:00–00:00 · Av. Pinhal da Aroeira, Aroeira
Next door to where we're staying
On the sand at Fonte da Telha, 5 minutes by car: cocktails, sharing plates, sunset. 4.3 from over 7,000 Google reviews.
Fri & Sat 12:00–23:00 · Sun 12:00–20:00 · Av. Vasco da Gama, Fonte da Telha
3.3 km from where we're staying: about 5 min by car
Beach club at Praia do Castelo, Costa da Caparica: cocktails, DJ sets, and a proper kitchen. The current menu has pizzas (a margherita among them), dishes marked vegetarian, and a charcoal-grilled steak, so everyone can eat there, Jon included. Open until 2am on Saturday, the latest of these. 4.3 from 2,522 Google reviews.
Fri 12:00–23:00 · Sat 12:30–02:00 · Sun 12:00–23:00 · Estrada da Praia do Castelo, Costa da Caparica
9.2 km from where we're staying: about 12 min by car
Olivier da Costa's beach club at São João da Caparica, built for long late lunches and sunset drinks on Balinese beds. After R3 (tee 12:00) there's time to get there for sunset, about 19:15. It's €50+ a head if you eat, and it shuts at 20:00 on Sunday.
Fri 12:30–18:00 · Sat 12:30–23:00 · Sun 12:30–20:00 · Av. Afonso de Albuquerque, São João da Caparica
14.9 km from where we're staying: about 21 min by car
Nobody is fighting anybody. But if the red wine says otherwise, here's the form guide.
R3 settles everything. Stableford points are the only punches the captains will count.
Soft landing, plenty of room, and the loser can blame his swing like he does anyway.
Chris C and Steve L's last fight was shoulder to shoulder against someone else. Tradition matters: if you must fight, fight together.
Mark knows. Martin knows better.
He gets 44 shots at the Pines. You've lost that one on handicap before anyone throws a punch.
That's what Splitwise is for. And if anyone has a case, it's Jon.
A Portuguese cell isn't on the itinerary, and bail isn't coming out of the kitty.
The teams page has a switch to keep them apart. Use it.
Nobody is carrying your clubs to bag drop with a black eye.
Every trip needs a risk register, and every risk needs an owner who will ignore it. Likelihood × impact, and the list below runs from nastiest to least concerning. Tap a number on the grid to jump to it. Reviewed weekly; last reviewed never.
Certain × Major · Owner: Paul
A well-documented habit of getting very drunk the night before a game. Three games, three nights before.
Mitigation: Water, breakfast, and a partner who can count his shots for him.
Certain × Major · Owner: Everyone
The earliest tee of the weekend, the morning after Cuíca and the first proper night out.
Mitigation: Last orders at a sensible hour. Risk accepted, because nobody will do that.
Possible × Severe · Owner: Chris C and Steve L
Their last fight was side by side, against someone else. It could happen again, and it may not be their fault.
Mitigation: Keep them on the same side. See Where to fight.
Likely × Major · Owner: Whoever says "one more"
Irmão is open until 2am on Saturday, someone's card is always behind the bar, and the statement gets posted home.
Mitigation: Cash only. Read it before signing.
Unlikely × Catastrophic · Owner: Mark (victim: Martin)
Last tour, Mark hit Martin with a golf buggy. There are buggies at Aroeira.
Mitigation: Never pair them. Martin walks. The keys stay with the pro shop.
Certain × Moderate · Owner: Jack
Nothing logged since January 2022, so his index is a placeholder built on a different Jack.
Mitigation: None available. Enjoy the mystery, then complain on the What if page.
Certain × Moderate · Owner: Jon
Splitwise, split evenly, one plate of mushrooms.
Mitigation: Itemise Jon's. Buy the man a drink.
Unlikely × Severe · Owner: Lucas
He plays off our maths (22.7) because he only posts his best rounds to England Golf. If those are the real him, that's four free shots a round.
Mitigation: Captains watch his card. Neil is not allowed to mark it.
Likely × Moderate · Owner: Steve L, Chris C, Jon, Andy, Jack
Bag drop opens at 19:00, and there are four hours of afternoon to fill with a golf bag in tow.
Mitigation: See the Monday ideas. Don't be at the airport at 16:30 holding a golf bag.
Likely × Moderate · Owner: Mark
Possibly broken. He will mention it.
Mitigation: Nobody hugs Mark. Nobody asks about the rib. He'll tell you anyway.
Unlikely × Major · Owner: Andy
Last time he fell over, then cut his head open bathing the wound in the sea. The treatment was the injury.
Mitigation: Plasters in the bag. Stay out of the Atlantic.
Unlikely × Major · Owner: Chris F
Stolen on tour once already. A beach club at 1am is full of people who'd notice a nice watch.
Mitigation: Leave it in the safe, or keep a hand on it.
Possible × Moderate · Owner: Steve B
The teams page picks from near-tied splits, so one tiny change to anyone's handicap can reshuffle every match.
Mitigation: Nobody touches a handicap. Arguments go on the What if page, where they change nothing.
Certain × Minor · Owner: Steve B
He built the handicaps and came second in the replay. People will notice.
Mitigation: It's all on the website. Objections will be noted, then ignored.
Unlikely × Moderate · Owner: Paul
A drunken pedicure at an hour when no grown man needs one.
Mitigation: Confiscate the clippers at dinner.
Possible × Minor · Owner: Whoever booked the taxi
Early October is the end of the season. The DJ has gone home.
Mitigation: Check before you set off. Golf d'Água is next door.
Steve Lewis, Chris Clarke, Jon, Andy, Jack: your flight home is Monday at 21:30, and easyJet's bag drop at Lisbon opens 2½ hours before, at 19:00 (easyJet's own timetable for Lisbon). Jack isn't playing on Monday, so he's free all day. Five hours to kill: time, not each other (see Where to fight).
Kailua at Fonte da Telha is 5 minutes from where we're staying, and open until 23:00 on Mondays: lunch, drinks and the sea. For the four playing the bonus round, lunch at the clubhouse first.
Golf d'Água, right by where we're staying, is open from 08:00 to midnight on Mondays: a long lunch and a few drinks without a taxi. The airport is 33 km from where we're staying, about 40 minutes with no traffic; allow an hour at Monday rush hour.
Bag drop opens at 19:00 and closes at 20:30. Outside Terminal 1 departures there are 24-hour lockers, including surf lockers 200 cm long (36 × 200 × 88 cm, €14.40 per 3 hours), long enough for a golf bag if it's no wider than 36 cm. Lock the clubs up and Parque das Nações (riverside bars, the cable car, the Vasco da Gama mall) is 10 minutes by taxi. Otherwise there are cafés and bars in the check-in hall, and more after security.
Where we're staying, the course, the two booked restaurants, the dinner ideas and the bars. Tap a pin for its name. The map needs signal.
Where we’re stayingGolfBookedDinner ideasBars